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The broken family myth

Let me know if you have heard this before: "divorce is damaging for children". How about, "remarrying is confusing for kids"? Finally, have you heard something like, "broken families can break the life of a child"? Starting to sound familiar?

One more question: does it sound like complete bullshit to you? I am not sure where we got this idea of 'broken families', but maybe it is time we reassess. Broken families aren't the ones where parents are separated; broken families are the ones where parents are still together despite their words and actions saying they shouldn't be. Look, I am not saying that divorce and separation is the right choice or the best choice for all situations, nor am I saying that it should be the first option for parents or couples in general. If a situation is able to be saved and would genuinely be best kept together, I am all for working things out as commitments are made to each other for better or worse.

But what about those situations where there is zero chance of happiness or goodness left? Is it better to stick it out because a broken family would be bad for the kids? Well, let's think of it this way: is it better to stay together and show the kids that you stick it out despite constant hate and fighting, or is it better to separate and give your kids a chance to reason plus mutual respect? Hmmmm, tough call there.

Trust me, staying in a relationship that has long since turned to shit is not helping your children; you are just showing them how truly horrible people can be to each other. If you think you are benefiting your children by 'sticking it out', well, then you are an idiot. Some people are just not better off together, regardless of the circumstance, and I can assure you that staying together out of fear of separation is the worst thing you can do.

It is no secret that I come from a 'broken family'. My parents separated when I was not even a teen, but in truth, they mentally probably separated long before. Since then, they have both remarried and moved on with their lives, and you know what every one has gotten from this 'brokenness'? True happiness.

You know what I have gained from my parents separating? Two step parents that love me like their own, two parents that have found happiness in another, and a total picture of what respect and maturity looks like. My parents are still best friends (and probably get annoyed with one another like friends do), and my mom's wife and my dad will sit and talk like old friends. My dad's wife and Mom have zero problem texting each other at any given second, and even better, they all welcomed my wife in to our crazy little family as if she had been part of it forever.

What did I lose in my 'broken family? Not a damn thing. But, had they stayed 'unbroken', I would have missed out on so much. I would have missed out on happy parents, incredible new family members, a chance to see what real love and respect looks like, and most importantly, a solid foundation for my future children. Many seem to the think that the worst thing in the world is a child growing up with separated parents; this is, somehow, a broken situation. Let me assure you that when a separation is handled like respectful and mature adults, there is nothing broken about it. Some people stay together when the situation has long since been lost while others make the best decision they can for all involved. So, let me ask you: which is the true definition of a broken family?

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